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KGB stands for Kinks Get Bolsheviks

So today I learned that intelligence agencies like the CIA and FBI ask potential new employees about their fetishes and kinks, because some dude once got blackmailed into spying for the Russians because they knew he was kinky. He got blackmailed because he was too ashamed to admit to his kinks.

My initial reaction to this question was that it's pointless to ask someone if they have any shameful skeletons in their closet, because they're sure as hell not going to admit to such a thing to an interviewer. But then I had another idea.

Thinking about it a little more, I realize who would be perfect for that kind of job: someone who is kinky as fuck and not at all ashamed of it.

"Hello, I am with KGB. We have discovered you like being dressed like baby and spanked."

"I should hope so! My main user ID is BabySpanxALot420, after all."


"What we mean, Mr. Smith, is that we have pictures of a woman who is not your wife feeding you baby food while you sit in a high chair."

"Oh yeah, that's Jennifer. She's my and my wife's girlfriend. We're openly polyamorous."

"I... well... still, it is highly embarrassing if we should expose these photos of you and her to the world, is it not?"

"Not really. I mean, you got them from FetLife, I presume? I use the same username there as I do everywhere. Even my Facebook profile has pictures like that on there."

"But... we..."

"Were you gentlemen trying to get to some point?"

"Er... yes. We were going to blackmail you into betraying your country..."

"Using publicly available photos that I posted to the Internet myself?"


"Um... never mind. You have a good day, Mr. Smith." This was cross-posted from
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Question from Reddit

Since there's a minimum age requirement, how would you feel about implementing a maximum age limit on running for president?

Personally I think the lower limit should be 30 for President, and the upper limit should be 50 for being elected. If you get elected at 50, you can stay your whole 4 year term. But old people are on the way out, it's not their world anymore once they die, so they don't have to care about what they leave behind, as proven by the many geezers in office who screw us over on a daily basis. I think that upper limit of 50 needs to apply to all public office, because old people have shown they don't care about anything but themselves. There are exceptions like Bernie Sanders, but a few exceptions aren't worth the risk.

For similar reasons, I think if you earn or are worth more than a million dollars in money/assets to your name, that you should be banned from running for any and all public office. Sell some of your stuff or give up enough income to qualify and you can run. And if you own any part of a corporation, no matter how small a corporation it may be, you need to sell it to someone you're not friends or family with before you can even be allowed to run for office of any kind. Because being wealthy is a far surer sign that you don't give a damn about anything but yourself than old age is. There are plenty of exceptions among the older generations, but nobody wealthy truly cares about anything but their own greed and/or having good PR.

Also, politicians should not be allowed to vote on their own pay increases; that sort of thing should be taken to the people, voted on by popular vote. And any law that will affect nature needs to be somehow sent to be vetoed by the people; Donald Trump has been doing his utmost to gut national parks for resources, and that can never be allowed to happen again.

(And also abolish the electoral college and implement an entirely paper ballot voting system that not only lets you vote for people but also against others, but that's a whole other post.) This was cross-posted from
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Post apocalypse

You wake up and you're the only person left on Earth, what is the first thing(s) you will do?

Once I was done being confused and searching for people, I'd find a ham radio set and a book on how to use the thing, and start sending out messages in case there were others. Probably try to contact the ISS, too, just in case.

Once I'd become convinced that I wasn't going to find anybody anytime soon, I'd take some time to mourn and cry. Probably at the same time, I'd start looking for car batteries and equipment to try to rig up something to keep my CPAP running once the power starts going out, and solar panels to charge the batteries, since I literally cannot sleep without my CPAP.

Having determined that everybody just vanished, I would hunt around the neighborhood for the nicest house to squat in because my apartment is so small, and I'm all alone now, so why not? Probably also scavenge stuff from businesses and people's houses as I go. I'd focus on jerky, canned meats, MRE's, and other non-perishables. But I'd also look for porn, books to read, etc.

Oh, and I would have to raid a few pharmacies for my meds. Luckily I don't have any meds I can't live without, so when they run out I'll be annoyed but it won't be a huge deal. About the only thing I'd really need a lot of for my remaining life is pain relievers, since I get a lot of headaches.

I think I would clear all the meat out of the nearby stores, cook or freeze or otherwise preserve what I can, and pile the rest of it in a dumpster, pour gasoline on it, and light it on fire so it doesn't rot and stink up the building, or attract predators. I'd do the same for houses I break into, as well.

Since this is Portland, in my house hunting I'd probably pick a house with a chicken coop. Chickens may be mean little bastards, but they're relatively easy to keep, being omnivores. It'd be a long term supply of protein, and I know how to preserve eggs without a fridge or freezer. I haven't done it before, but I remember the instructions. Oh and hopefully I could find a place that also has goats. Which I would keep mostly for meat. (I don't care for milk, and I don't know how to make cheese.) Also I would need some way to control all the Himalayan Blackberry patches that grow around here, as well as the English Ivy once the people aren't there anymore to keep it from going out of control like the invasive weed it is.

Assuming cats and dogs are still alive, I'd let all the cats out of the houses and pounds (except a few of them for pets) and leave the dogs inside because dogs scare me, and I'm gonna have problems with the coyotes soon enough as it is, without having to deal with feral dogs as well. Or... no, scratch that. I'd go to the pound, get the dog-catcher equipment, round up a bunch of dogs from houses, and put them in the kennel for meat later. Feed them some of the meat before it goes bad, then when I ran out of meat, I'd raid the stores for dog food. I'd also raid a pet store so that when I ran out of dog food, I could feed them guinea pigs and other small animals. I'd probably eat the rabbits myself.

I'd go to a sport's shop and see if I can get a bow and arrows, or crossbows and bolts. (I can't stand the noise of guns, and I don't trust them anyway.) It'd be a learning curve, but less so than a gun I think, and I already have a little experience with bow and arrow.

Actually I'd probably get guns and ammo too, but in that case I'd tie them to posts around my property in a great circle, and tie strings around the triggers. Then if any coyotes or feral dogs (some probably were being walked when people vanished) or other critters come too close, I pull the appropriate string and BANG! If it doesn't kill them, it scares them away.

Oh and I would only wear as much clothing as necessary. In warm months, I'd just run around in nothing but sandals and an umbrella, and I'd have a belt with knives, sporran pouches to store jerky and other food in, a water bottle hanging from the belt, and anything else I might need with me when I'm out and about.

I'd find the nearest plant nursery or store with plants in it, and use the seedlings to make a garden for veggies. In the mean time, though, I would make the several hour long walk to the nearest Asian market I know about and scavenge all their pickled vegetables and fruits. Even if they taste bad, I need my veggies, and pickled veggies last longer than fresh ones. Then I'd probably raid the library for books about how to pickle veggies.

I guess once all the seedlings ran out on the annual plants, I'd have to start trying to grow things from seeds. Not looking forward to that. I guess I could also add books about local edible wild plants to my library or book store raids.

TBH, I'm not in great shape, and some places I'd need to go are a long goddamn way away. I do know how to drive, but as others have pointed out, gasoline goes bad. Cars would be useful for a while, but for long term use I would scavenge an e-bike from one of the local stores, as well as a trailer for it. (Using the solar panels to charge it, of course.)

Oh I'd probably scavenge inside the adult shops, too, for vibrators and porn and maybe even sex dolls.

Hmm... if this really happened, I'd also have time and space to go dancing naked in the woods.

Anyway, back on track: I'd probably start going insane after a while, so I'd need some kind of hobby to delay that as long as possible. Probably go downtown with a couple of the dogs I spared from the stew pot, have them carry stuff for me as we went up to the top of one of the skyscrapers and then I'd use a DIY slingshot made of rubber tubing and start chucking large rocks as far as possible just for funsies, see if I could hit any of the nearby buildings. Or if the power was somehow still working, find a freight elevator and drive a car up there and set things up so the car(s) can just drift in neutral off the side of the building. And motorcycles, too.

Or, much simpler to do, I could drive to a military base, break in, scavenge the rocket launchers, and then set up a series of cars for target practice somewhere. Oooh! Better yet: drive to some small town and just completely obliterate it with the rocket launchers. Maybe even drive a tank there and start using it to bulldoze buildings and cars.

Wait, no, fuck that. Go big or go home! I could drive to Seattle and just completely destroy as much of the city as possible.

Eh, that's enough for now.

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In an alternate timeline...

In an alternate timeline, a man mysteriously appears from nowhere on the set of Home Alone 2, and kills Donald Trump. In the chaos he shouts "YOU'LL THANK ME SOMEDAY!" and immediately vanishes into thin air. Nobody ever figures out the meaning of this cryptic message, and the man is never identified.

But then a few years later he reappears, looking terrified, disheveled, and emaciated, missing an arm and bearing a number tattoo on his remaining arm. He kills an obscure politician named Mike Pence. "THE EVIL HAS BEEN DEFEATED!" he shouts, and once more disappears. Facial recognition software identifies him as somebody who, strangely, is only 10 years old. It's considered a glitch, and the mystery is never solved.

Some conspiracy theorists eventually point out that an unidentified man was spotted by several people several years earlier exiting the house of Arkansas governor Bill Clinton shortly before his wife Hillary was discovered in her bathroom, dead from a blow to the head after falling in the shower. One of these conspiracy theorists manages to get into a Presidential press briefing, but was apprehended before he could ask any questions of President Bernie Sanders.

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Sobering thought

After years of living in poverty with a fixed income of less than $1000 a month that comes from the government, after years of needing to use the food bank every month to get through the month, it's a bit shocking to realize I actually have it a lot better than a lot of people with regular jobs. We as a nation have the resources to end homelessness and poverty, to ensure everyone has a place to live and enough food to eat, yet here we are with thousands - nay, millions - of people going bankrupt, losing their homes, and struggling to feed themselves. Thousands/millions more than usual, that is, as it's now hitting people who thought they were well off, in addition to those who already knew they were living paycheck to paycheck.

The US is a garbage nation, a festering pustule of a country, and I've known it for at least a decade, but now it's becoming obvious to millions more people.

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Cognitive dissonance

Something I don't get: why is it that people will regularly talk about "X breed isn't good with kids," "Y breed can't be an indoor dog because it needs to run around a lot more than other breeds," and other breed-specific behaviors with nobody saying anything against it, but the moment you suggest certain breeds of dog are more aggressive than others - like pit bulls - then suddenly everyone is up in arms calling you a dog racist?

If it's possible to breed behaviors like "not good with kids," "barks a lot," "doesn't bark much," "needs to run around more," and "likes to hunt more than other breeds," then surely it's also possible that breeds that were bred to be aggressive are in fact more aggressive, and therefore more dangerous?

Honestly, it takes a massive amount of cognitive dissonance to believe certain behaviors can be bred into dogs while also believing aggression isn’t one of those breedable behaviors.

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Biden is a loser

Wake up, people, wake up! Biden can’t beat Trump!
His brain is Laffy Taffy that sat soggy in a dump!
He’s a racist ultra horrible, his record is deplorable,
(Not a thing in it’s ignorable!)
That sad pathetic lump!

That lump, that lump, that sad pathetic lump,
That old and racist white guy just cannot beat the Trump!

Wake up, people, wake up! Biden is a loser!
Just as sure as Trumpsterfire is a serial abuser!
He’ll reassure you that he’s buds with Barack H. Obama,
But his sole black friend, in the end, cannot excuse the drama
Of his racist, classist verbiage and other vile words,
Nor his policies, his histories, and many other turds!

Those turds, those turds, those sad pathetic turds,
Those old and racist white guy loser evil ugly words!

Wake up, people, wake up! Biden cannot win!
Even with a score or three of Masters of The Spin!
He’s got less chance of victory than Trump has of being free-ah
Of syphilis and typhus, herpes and gonorrhea!

Less chance, less chance, than Trump has of being free-ah
Of syphilis and typhus, herpes and gonorrhea!

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Bigots DIAF

If you are: anti-feminist, bigoted against transgender people (AKA "transphobic"), bigoted against autistic people or any mentally ill people, bigoted against fat people, homophobic, bigoted against asexuals/aromantics, bigoted against neo-pagans, opposed to a woman's right to choose whether or not to get an abortion; if you hate black people or other people of color, if you hate Muslims, or if you think Nazis should get to spread their hatred without getting punched in the face or shot in the dick, then please go die in a fire. I'm not even fucking kidding; go pour gasoline on yourself and light a fucking match and die.

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It has become popular among my friends circle to dismiss any and all criticisms of certain candidates as the work of Russian trolls trying to divide people. Which is utter bullshit. I'm not a Russian troll, or any kind of troll, and I know for a fact:

* Biden is a racist, senile sack of garbage. His record is publicly available, including the history of racism that continues to this day. Sure, he'd be better at being President than Trump is, but then so would a dead ferret.

* Warren is a super-wealthy Republican in Democrat clothing. She's even admitted to having switched over from the Republican party. Clinton did the same thing, and look how that turned out. Thank Satan she's not running anymore.

* Bloomberg is basically Trump, but was running as a Democrat. I would accept Biden or Warren or even Carrot Top as President before I would accept Bloomberg as President. I wouldn't trust that man to run a book club, let alone a country. Thank Satan he's not running anymore.

* If Biden genuinely wants to defeat Trump, the best thing he can do to ensure that is to drop out of the race and let Bernie have the nomination.

* I know fuckall about Klobuchar, but she too should drop out of the race. Mainly because most people I know had never even heard of her until a few weeks ago. I haven't been able to find anyone who knows anything about her position on the issues. She came out of nowhere and appears to be, politically, a complete nobody. As a bisexual and polyamorous Satanist, *I* have better chances of becoming President than she does!

* The DNC has done everything in its power to fuck over Bernie Sanders a second time, even though they did that the first time around and it backfired spectacularly on them, even though he's got a solid, dependable, very Left voting record stretching back many decades, and yet despite his uphill battle against the press and the DNC, he's still the strongest candidate in the running, and the only candidate who stands a snowball's chance in Hell of defeating the Trumpsterfire.

Criticizing a candidate for being a racist, or for being senile, or for being a Republican running as a Democrat, are legitimate concerns as to their electability and how horrible they're going to be as President. You can't just dismiss these criticisms as "Russian trolls" without making yourself look like a close-minded idiot.

Like I've already said, Biden and Warren would be preferable to Trump. Even Clinton would have been; I swallowed my pride and voted for her last time. But if you didn't recognize and admit that Bloomberg would have been as horrible a choice as Trump, then maybe you should go back and re-take grades K through 12.

#BlueNoMatterWho has its limits.

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No more exclusionism here.

I posted this to Tumblr earlier, in response to one of those posts showing up in my recent activity:

Hey so I just want to say I used to be a massive exclusionist asshole about asexual people (specifically “aro/ace hetero” people) like, a couple years ago on Tumblr. I honestly have no idea what the hell any of that was about, how it got started, or why it was just that subset of aces and no other. No seriously, I don’t know how I got started on that particular bullshit. It went from not being a thing at all, to being A Huge Fucking Thing, and I have no idea why. All I know is once I was on that bullshit, I was like, addicted to it or something. Fuck if I know what was going on. It’s super fucking cringey now to look back on those posts.

I won’t lie and say I’m not still an asshole about some things, because I am. I’ve been just… so angry all my life. Everything sucks, everything hurts me emotionally, and I lash out. I’m trying to improve. One way I’m trying to improve is staying away from Tumblr as much as possible. It’s a toxic place for me, and that just makes this shitty cycle of increasing toxicity.

And part of why I was keeping it up so long, I think, was dealing with a really shitty long-term situation I’ve since gotten out of. Now I’m on my own and I’ve been mellowing out a lot since then. Of course Life still gets to me, still hurts, still causes anger that builds up and comes out in toxic ways.

But I was aiming that rage at entirely undeserved targets, with that whole exclusionism thing I was on. It was hurtful to a lot of people, for absolutely no good reason. If I could undo it all, I would.

So yeah. For whatever it’s worth, there’s my apology, and my promise to be better. Feel free to point exclusionist bigots at me as an example of someone who gave up that bullshit, if you want to. But I totally get it if you don’t want to.

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